How do I Overcome my Anger?
Anger is one of those very human emotions we all bump into now and then. It gets a pretty bad reputation as something wild and destructive, but at its core, anger is really just a messenger. A signal flare. A powerful, totally normal invitation to notice that something inside you feels off, uncomfortable, or unseen.
And while anger often shows up loud, underneath it usually lives a whole cast of quieter emotions things like hopelessness, anxiety, shame, sadness, fear, guilt, jealousy, disappointment, or hurt. Anger is what happens when those tender places don’t get the attention they’re asking for.
The tricky part? Most of us were never taught what to do with all those layered feelings wrapped inside anger’s package. So when those messages go ignored—or come bursting out without intention—they can morph into aggression, outbursts, and those “ugh, why did I say that?” moments we wish we could rewind.
Below are some gentle, doable ways to support yourself when you feel those first sparks of anger rising. We all have our own “tells”—the things your body and mind do to say, hey, something’s heating up in here. Maybe your chest tightens. Maybe your voice goes up an octave. Maybe your thoughts sprint like they’re late to a meeting.
Take some time to figure out yours. And remember: these tools work best when practiced both in calm moments and in those early, simmering ones.
Taking a Time-Out
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do—for yourself and everyone involved—is step away for a moment. A little space can work magic. A walk, a song that shifts your mood, a few minutes outside, even a bathroom break to breathe. The goal is simply to return to yourself before returning to the situation.
Deep Breathing
The classic 4-7-8 breath can be a real reset button. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold for 7. Then sigh it out through your mouth for 8. Do this for a few minutes and you’re sending a gentle signal to your brain that you’re safe—nudging your system away from fight-or-flight and into something steadier and softer.
Leaning into Support
Talking through what you’re feeling can lift some of the weight off your chest and offer fresh perspective. Pay attention to who listens in a way that feels grounding. Friends, family, chosen family, a therapist—whoever helps you feel seen and understood.
Moving Your Body
Ever felt lighter after a workout or even a brisk walk? That’s your brain releasing feel-good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. Movement helps burn off the tension that anger stores in the body and creates space for clarity, relief, and calm to return.
Journaling
Writing can be a safe and surprisingly powerful way to give your feelings space. Try a simple structure:
• Vent: What happened? How did it feel?
• Reflect: What did it mean to you? What did it activate within you?
• Recalibrate: What can you try next time? What would a loving plan forward look like?
None of this has to be perfect it's all about expression, not poetry.
Creative Outlets
Sometimes big feelings need color, movement, rhythm, sound. Dance it out. Draw it out. Sing badly in the car to your favorite nostalgic songs. Create something messy or silly or expressive. The magic lies in the release, it’s not making a masterpiece.
And most importantly: learning how to genuinely work with your anger takes time, practice, and a whole lot of self-kindness. These tools might feel clunky at first. That’s normal. Try what calls to you, leave what doesn’t, and let yourself celebrate every small shift along the way.
It also helps to have someone in your corner—maybe a friend who relates, or someone who simply loves cheering you on. Remember: you don’t have to navigate this alone.
And if you’re wanting more personalized guidance, whether through individual sessions, couple’s work, or group spaces, I’d be honored to support you as you explore new ways of understanding and moving through your emotions with clarity and compassion.
